Anger Management
Catherine tucked her son into bed, promising chicken noodle soup when he awoke. It was 1:30 in the afternoon, and she had just picked him up from school after the nurse called to let her know that he had a fever. She left his room and sighed heavily, noticing the bills piled on the desk, the piled-high laundry in the hamper, and the dirty dishes in the sink. She tried not to think about the irritation in her boss’ voice as she quickly left work to pick up her son. As she hit the play button on the answering machine, she managed to smile by thinking about the fun weekend she had planned with her friends. “Hey Catherine, I know this is my weekend with the kids, but I have to leave town for a business meeting. Sorry. I will explain later.” Her smile vanished as she heard her ex-husband cancel his plans yet again with the kids. “This is too much!” she thought, gritting her teeth. “When is this ever going to end?” Catherine grabbed the keys sitting next to the phone and threw them across the living room before she even realized what she doing.
Catherine’s experiences are not unusual. In fact, most of us have moments throughout our day that leave us feeling tense, overwhelmed, and angry. These feelings of anger are normal, and frequently related to stress, a common trigger for angry feelings and behaviors.
The good news is that there are many strategies that Catherine can use to manage her anger, and there are skills that can be learned to help improve relationships and manage stress. Anger management groups, individual therapy, and couples therapy are available resources that can help individuals learn how to decrease physiological arousal and change emotional responses and self-talk. For example, Catherine can learn to notice signs of tension early and consciously relax neck and jaw muscles. She can begin to notice anger-provoking thoughts such as “This is too much!” and modify them to “I have a lot on my plate right now, but some things I cannot control. As much as I would like others to be reliable, it does not mean that they must .” Anger management skills also involve learning how to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively and include developing empathy skills, forgiving others, adjusting expectations, and taking effective time-outs when unable to think clearly.
Dealing with anger is an issue that each of us faces everyday. Managing anger is not about never feeling angry. It is about finding positive, effective ways to communicate and act so that you feel better and develop satisfying, healthy relationships. In the words of Dr. Victor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
We are excited to offer anger management seminars that meet on Saturday mornings. To learn more about our programs, visit www.orensteinsolutions.com or contact Dr. Julia Messer directly at (919) 428-2766 ext. 2
