Expressing Thanks
Feeling and expressing appreciation for our loved ones is a crucial way we build positive interaction.
Foremost relationship expert, John M. Gottman Ph.D., found what distinguished happily married couples from other couples: a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. What is a positive interaction? A hug when greeting at the end of the day, a smile, reaching for your partner’s hand, texting something sweet “just because.” And this same concept of positive interaction applies to all relationships in the family.
Feeling and expressing appreciation for our loved ones is a crucial way we build positive interaction. So many times when we say something to another family member, it is to complain. Why say anything if things are going well? As expressed in our PAIRS workshop for couples (read more about upcoming PAIRS workshop), showing and expressing appreciation helps nurture our relationships and moves us towards that 5:1 ratio. This is key to a happy relationship. Don’t just say “thank you” but be specific. “Thank you for doing the dishes–it allowed me to sleep an extra ten minutes” or “when you pick up the kids on Wednesday, I get to go to the gym – thanks so much.”
So often, couples come to couples or family counseling because they feel under-appreciated. If feels wonderful to receive specific acknowledgement from your family for the hard work that you do on their account. It also feels good to give appreciation. Let’s all try to remember to tell our families what they are doing right. Thanksgiving is a great time to start.
